Questions I Wish I Could Ask In Church
I belong to a really awesome church located in an area where God's love can have the most impact—where the saved and delivered in Christ can embrace the abandoned and shut out. I am very aware of how amazing committing your life to Christ can be.
But I can't accept Christianity as the universal cure-all for every failure that plagues humanity. There is a great divide between those of us who openly struggle with God—with our experience of his presence or absence—versus those who shuffle and smile with the intention to convert atheists into believers. “Look at this false sense of joy and security I feel in having a close personal relationship with Jesus. All you have to do is accept him in your heart and you too can have this joy." I find that image very dangerous.
The trouble only begins when we accept Jesus, because with any relationship we have expectations. When we feel let down, we start asking questions. If we perceive God as the being who has the ability to empathize with humanity, but also with the divine ability to correct all faults, then why doesn't he appease us all and end suffering? We are given free will, and we will ourselves to serve him, yet why does he let us wander about lost in our faith?
What about the events that happen in our lives that lead us question God’s very existence? When we have given all we can to him, and all we get is more and more disappointment? As a Christian what do we do when the relationship isn't reciprocated? When I am praying and surrendering my heart to Him, and I feel empty? Is this what the Christian walk is supposed to be? In moments I allow myself the most vulnerability with God, I am the most susceptible to losing the connectedness I am supposed to be seeking.
Why don't I go to church as often as recommended? The cost of not being able to lament, or ask these questions in church, causes a depletion of our spirits. If we must endure this loss of honesty in order to have bona fide testimony of God's grace, could it be that instead of drawing us “nearer to Thee” it could send us further away?
Comments
I've had so many of the same struggles and questions about church, and the church's choice to shove people's doubts under the table without really addressing them. Anyone who has lived has questioned God, and to deny it is to ignore people at their deepest place of need. If I could go to church as I really am, without putting on a false front, I might go more often.
Posted by: Anonymous | October 9, 2006 11:35 PM