At twenty-three my friend is a remarkably young drug & alcohol-free African-American male. I first met him a year ago when he had just been diagnosed simultaneously with H.I.V./AIDS and kidney disease. Now his life consists of dialysis three times a week and counting t-cells. He has two sisters, one brother, and two parents, but never sees them. He left home some time ago to explore his sexuality and has been living alone ever since. However, living seems a bit too secure a word since he seems to be barely hanging on each day.

Although his family ignores him, he is constantly speaking of his father’s promise to visit. Usually these promises come when my friend receives disability checks. I do not have the heart to tell him of this pattern. Last night, after I initially shook his hand, I noticed our skin touching. I started to imagine all the people who wouldn’t touch him if they new his story. I imagined all sorts of people, specifically people of faith. The five sense website describes this potential disorder of touch as tactile defensiveness. Apparently, people can have a tendency to react negatively to the sensation of touch when it triggers anxiety or panic.

Shamefully I recognize far too many times in my life where I have displayed this same disorder. After that thought, I hugged my bi-sexual friend several times not wanting to let go. He comes to our office now mostly to not feel lonely. I look forward to his ceaseless asking about the health of my wife and kids, as if they are his own family. He hates it when I tell him I have to get back to work. I hate it too. My friend likes R & B music, enjoys playing on computers, plans to go back to school, and asserts that his mother is his all-time hero.

Do you notice when someone touches you?
Do you suffer from tactile defensiveness? Did Christ?
Do you pray for a relationship that reveals Christ’s compassionate love for us all?

Other EMC posts on H.I.V./AIDS: Christ with AIDS & Lepers of Our Day