Originally, we did not leave for any reason except call. God called us and so we went, as uncomfortable and unrealistic as it seemed. It’s a good thing “call” was our motivation. It’s “call” that keeps you where you need to be, not where you feel like you belong. I am glad we left. I am glad we’ve stayed, and I am glad we have no desire to leave. Somewhere in the midst of serving and living among a culture not my own, I have become one of them. I cannot go back. It’s no longer my home. Isn’t that true of all journeys? Once you leave, you can never truly go back.

Recently, I watched the three Lord of the Rings movies for the first time. I don’t know why I waited, but I supposed I wouldn’t enjoy them. I finally gave into the pressure. They were no doubt enjoyable. I watched them in segments, life called so often it took some time to finish. As I watched I expected Frodo to die. I told my husband I thought he would fling himself into the flames of Mordor and along with the ring, melt. I was shocked that he went on breathing, walking, living. The elves kept saying that the destiny would destroy him. I expected some type of dramatic death.

Frodo returned to the shire, his place of origin, at least for a time. At the conclusion of the movie, he shares his thoughts about the impact his journey away has taken him and the reconciling of the old life he once knew.

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.”

Upon hearing those words I was stunned. The emotions of my heart so poignantly phrased.

I have not been called back to my place of origin, yet the tears are hot and fresh, my throat aching, and I remember the place of my most recent journey, praying, weeping on the cold, stone steps of the Cannon building, in Washington D.C. There I found myself again being called, to realize another phase of life is to begin. The journey is still persisting and God is calling me to a new place, never to go back the same.

Somewhere along the way in my journey, I changed, I become aware, I grieved, yet I was compelled to press on into the unfamiliar. Faith compelled me, fear became irrelevant. I twisted. I turned. I wondered. I was confirmed that if I would lose my life for His sake, I would find it. May God continue to make even the threads of my old life un-recognizable. And again, I will surrender to His call and journey with Him as the Author and the Finisher of who I am to become.